My Immortal Commentary
by Hufflepuff Chaser
Summary: Over done? Yes! Super fun? YES! Hello, and welcome to the world of My Immortal, the worst fanfiction ever written! I hope you enjoy my commentary! Notice: I'm, not responsible for injuries related to poking your eyes out with various objects! R&R! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Hello my friends, I have severe writers block right now so I have decided to write a My Immortal Commentary…. I waste many a day reading them so I figured writing them would be fun!

On my other stories, I was writing this really awesome muti-chapter Harry/Ginny story, I wrote the first chapter and saved, then I wrote the second chapter. I was all done but when I went to save, it didn't… :'( I was so sad! I'm working on re-writing it but it isn't coming so well… I'm working on another story too so don't you worry… Some originals will be coming soon! But for now, read My Immortal…

Dedication: To Magnolia Mellark who is my only friend who gets ALL of my 'My Immortal' references and jokes… Love you Maggie!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or "My Immortal" :D

**AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** Oh great… **2 my gf (ew not in that way) '**In what way'? Are you a homophobe? Because that is just MEAN!** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **…Did either of you pass grade two?** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **Random…

**Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Yep, Mary-Sue right here… **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)** But wait, your parents just knew what colour of hair you were going to have when you were born… Or did you change it to be more 'goffik'? **with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **Gladly…

**I'm not related to Gerard Way**.** but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** Incestical relation ship… I bet that she wishes that she got to number .8 with him… **I'm a vampire** **but my teeth are straight and white. **Opposed to?** I have pale white skin. ** ** I'm also a witch,** **and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Take a geography lesson, it in Scotland… **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen **no sh*t**). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell**, you're kidding**) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic**...** and I buy all my clothes from there. **

**For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.** Do I care? no**. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Both? Don't you think that's kind of silly? **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **What did these "preps" ever do to you? 

**"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **Oh no…

**"What's up Draco?" I asked.**

**"Nothing." he said shyly.** :O Since when is Draco SHY!

**But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Intense conversation right there…

**AN: IS it good? **Oh yes, it's amazing, PLEASE PLEASE WRITE MORE! WE'RE BEGGING YOU… not to… **PLZ tell me fangz! **Don't worry… they will… You don't even have to ask….


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Yeah Preps stop flaming her story!

**The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **Whoa! I woke up in my bedroom this morning too! Its weird 'cuz I normally wake up in my bathtub so I was kinda confused! **It was snowing and raining again. **That's the Scottish countryside for you! ** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **I'm going to have to get me some of that! ** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **Comfy?** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **No pants? No big deal… **Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Sh really like to talk about her clothes doesn't she?

**My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Wait, she did all that without opening her eyes? OK… **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **I skimmed that, I don't really care what they're wearing…

**"OMFG, **OMFG!** I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Did she actually say "Oh-em-eff-gee!" Because that sounds pretty preppy to me….

**"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**

**"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **What happened to the hallways? Because the Slytherin common room is in the dungeons and the Great Hall isn't…

**"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Because its so obvious that you don't when you scream…

**"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.**

**"Hi." he said.**

**"Hi." I replied flirtily. **How do you say "Hi" 'flirtily' …

**"Guess what." he said.**

**"What?" I asked.**

**"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **Muggle bands in Hogmeade perfectly normal… Nothing to look at here…

**"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.**

**"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.**

**I gasped. **Biggest cliff hanger ever…


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!** Wait.. She got GOOD REVIEWS!** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.** I can tell they're your favourite band by the way you spelled their name right… Mhm

**On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **One of my favourite descriptions ever, "corset stuff" **on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **So it was straight AND spiky… Unique… **I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **the book was bleeding?**and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **I'll have to remember to do that the next time I go to a concert…

**I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!) **What…

**"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **I love how there is a exclamation mark at the end of that but she says it in a "depressed voice"

**"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **Good to know?** and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Now children! Don't do what Ebony does! This is a story on what NOT to do!** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **Don't worry about landing the car first, just jump, you'll be fine…** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down **(like bunnies) **as we listened to Good Charlotte.**

**"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).**

**"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **That's the right thing to say to your date…

**Suddenly Draco looked sad. **I wonder why…

**"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **Finally!

**"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.**

**"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.**

**"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **He face is blonde… Because that makes sense…

**The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **Oh no! Why do all of these chapters end in intense cliff hangers!


	4. Chapter 4

I just want to say that this is probably my favourite chapter… Due to events at the end…

**AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **I thought it was "Ebony" **nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!**

**"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Rude…

**Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **Again, don't worry about landing it…** I walked out of it too, curiously.**

**"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.**

**"Ebony**/Enoby**?" he asked.**

**"What?" I snapped.**

**Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **So, you're happy when your boyfriend/whatever-he-is is sad and evil? Seems legit…

**And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **Charming…** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **MY FAVOURITE LINE OF ALL TIME! When we do sex-ed at school I'm gonna be like "That's a thingie and that's a you-know-what…"

**"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...**

**"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **The other reason why I love this chapter so much… Honestly… The story just gets better from here….

**It was...Dumbledore! **Cliff hanger #4!


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **Yep, I love this part too, he had a headache so its ok that he swore! I always use the "I had/have/will have a headache" line! **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **How the hell did we get to 44 chapters then….

**Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.**

**"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **That's on my list of insults!

**I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **Go see the nurse…** Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **How did they know? Or are they always angry… And why is McGonagall there? Neither of them are in Gryffindor…

**"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **So they didn't know…

**"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Also added…

**"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **That's not Snape's line… Snape's line is "What in the devil is going on HUUUURE!"

**And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **Have any of you seen any of the "My Immortal" comics? They're hilarious…

**Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **New excuse added.

Teacher: Why were you late for class?

Me: BECAUSE I LOVE HER!

Tecaher: Fine. Very well, just sit in your seat. You didn't miss anything…

**Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.**

**"Are you okay, Ebony**/Enoby**?" Draco asked me gently.**

**"Yeah I guess." I lied. **Tisk, tisk. This relationship is not going to end well at all… Lying AND having "sexual intercourse" on the first date, all no-no's… ** I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Or jimjams would work…** When I came out...**

**Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **Or at least that's the cover-story, he probably went up into Pansy's room and they did unmentionable things… Yep. I went there…


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: shjt **Hahahahahahahahahah! I'm going to use that from now on! Shjt this story sucks! **up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!**

**The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Again, what a surprise! **I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end **Comfy! **and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **You spray painted your hair… Like… With spray paint… You know, you can buy hair dye… It dye your hair…

**In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **Ahhh, the children's cereal for vampires… **cereal with blood instead of milk, **Yum! **and a glass of red blood. **Really, how unique, I usually drink orange blood… Hmm… **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.**

**"Bastard!" **That was rude… No wonder she doesn't have friends… **I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it **Because he was hot and you wanted to do the nasty with him… You're one of those girls… Cool… **when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair **Oh no… **with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **NO! **and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead **NO! NOT HARRY! DON'T TAKE HARRY! **anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent **Well you ARE in "England" so… That does tend to happen… ** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Hey, you mentioned the female-erection not me… Who is the sicko now! YOU ARE!

**"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **WHY IS EVERYONE SHY IN THIS STORY!

**"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.**

**"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **NOOOOO!

**"Why?" I exclaimed.**

**"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **He giggled… HE GIGGLED! Since when did Harry Potter giggle? NEVER!

**"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **Why does no one "say" anything… They're always exclaiming or grumbling or giggling!

**"Really?" he whimpered. **My point exactly…

**"Yeah." I roared. **HAHAHAHAHAA! RUMBLEROAR!

**We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **I wonder what the surprise is… I'm gonna go with some more Forbidden Forest sexy time… ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **You're kidding… She probably reviewed her own story five times… ** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **"VONS! She is German now! ** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **I'm sure darling…

**Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **But I thought you were wearing black nail polish… **(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u? **Yes**). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **Well isn't that poetic… **I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **Of course Hunny, everyone is jealous of you, sounds pretty Marry Sue to me… **Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then... **I wonder what is going to happen!

**We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **I didn't see that one coming… ** He felt me up before I took of my top. **But didn't you already take your clothes off? **Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked **That tends to happen when you take your clothes off… **and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **you both have boy's thingies? **and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Yes, very…

**"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **Of course.. **It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! **I didn't see that coming either…

**I was so angry.**

**"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **

**"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **Who are you kidding? You don't know anything…

**"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **From you maybe…

**I put on my clothes all huffily **Is that even a word? Huffily: to do something in a Huffelpuff-like manner… **and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **You had enough time to put on your clothes but he didn't have enough time for his? Logical… **He had a really big you-know-what **No, I don't think that I do know what, care to enlighten me? **but I was too mad to care** Then why did you mention it?** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **And some other people… XD

**"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFJUCKER!" I yelled. **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! FJUCK! My friends and I ALWAYS use the word "Fjuck" its pronounced Fuh-JUCK!


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! **I'm a prep I guess…

**Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **Awesome, I'm sure Snape would love for his class to be disrupted in such a manner… If I was in my Science class and this happened I wouldn't mind, it would be hilarious!

**"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **How do you scream sadly…

**My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes **Another person who flips their hair, smiles then opens their eyes… **like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **You can't switch houses… Satinist or not… You just can't….

**"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **Added to the list…

**"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.**

**Everyone gasped. **Of course they did….

**I don't know why Ebony**/Enoby** was so mad at me. **I think we switched POV… **I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony **Well isn't that cute…**) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)**

**"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.**

**"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. **So we've switched back to Enoby/Ebony's POV… **I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **What the hell is "Virility" Lemme google it… Virility is manliness apparently… Wiki says… "virility is to men as fertility is to women." **to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **So she was sad because she lost the ability to father children… Seems Legit…


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **No kidding, I would be surprised if you had read any of them… **dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **What movies have you been watching?** besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **OK then…** MCR ROX!**

**I was so mad and sad. **Good job Tara, you mad a rhyme! Lets move on to shapes and colours! **I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **Didn't we already discuss this in the last chapter?

**Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **"and everything", best description ever. I love how she spends like three paragraphs on her clothes but can't take one second to describe the antagonist** started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie **Probably because it is Voldemort!**) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... Voldemort!**

**"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" **Good boy! **and I couldn't run away.**

**"Crookshanks!" **I'M PISSING! XDThis kills me every time, can you imagine going up to Voldemort and yelling the name of your friends cat, then him just standing there pissing himself laughing. **I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.**

**"Ebony**/Enovy/Enoby**." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Skakespeare-Voldemort!

**I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Just thought of that now?

**"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.**

**Voldemort gave me a gun. **A gun?** "No! Please!" I begged.**

**"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Its like Romeo and Juliet all over again…

**"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.**

**Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face **I know how you feel Voldy!** "I hath telekinesis." **Best. Line. Ever. **he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.**

**I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.**

**"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"**

**"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **No, I don't "geddit" actually… **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.**

**"Are you okay?" I asked.**

**"No." he answered.**

**"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **You expelled did you, how about you expel yourself from Hogwarts…

**"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **You walk-snogged.. Makes sense…


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: stup it u gay fags **That was rude **if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **Umm?

**I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. **I can see why you would be. His nose-less-ness and everything is pretty terrifying… **I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **Oh God… **I am the lead singer **SPARE US! **of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **I'm sure they do. **The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo **You call him Diabolo now? Really, how interesting, lemme Google that… Ok… A diabolo is a juggly, spinny thing… **now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **NO! He is ginger and he will STAY that way…**) and Hargrid. **Hargrid?** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **You just did, up there, I quote "People say that we sound like a cross between…" exactly…** or a steak **rare or well done?**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **Oh, how depressing and goffik, an animated children's movie… **I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. **Slut much?** You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Yeah, I mean you dress so conservative and you never act slutty ever. You're practically a church girl…

**We were singing a cover of 'Helena' **But I thought you were just writing songs today because of your depressed band members…** and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.**

**"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.**

**"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **This is why she has no friends….** And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. <strong>MAGIC!

**"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **The thought of Draco saying that makes me laugh really hard, I wonder if Tom Felton has ever read this…

**I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **That's a lot of tears for three sentences…

**We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **Uh oh! If he swears now then he can't blame it on a headache because he doesn't have one! Oh the suspense!

**"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **Crying wisely, all my friends do it. **(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **But as you said at the beginning of the chapter, he cant die by slitting his wrists because he is a vampire… I like your cliff hanger there… Very intense…


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! **We heard you… **c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111**It probably is… ** it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!** I have no idea what that says…

**"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **… You're so nice to your "friends" **and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **No, he would look like a teacher who is concerned about his student…

**Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes **your wrists got all over your clothes? **so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **I'm a vegetarian too Enoby, I get it, it drives me crazy when people think that I', a vegetarian so I only eat vegetables, Sometimes I want to shove a rare steak into my heart too! **I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **Hahahahahah! Sandly… How is lace placed sandly? **I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap**,Crackle and Pop! **was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin **LOOOPIN!** was masticating to it! **Google to the rescue! "Masticating: To grind or chew"** They were sitting on their broomsticks. **Oo-er

**"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.**

**"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **Haha, Vampire pointed his important female reproductive system. **I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times **That's a lot of bullets. **and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...**

**Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.**

**"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"** … No. I'm pretty sure that Hagrid is a BIG Hogwarts game-keeper…

**"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **What, I'm lost… What does that have to do with anything?

**"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **Umm?

**"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! This is my favourite comeback ever! "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" how can you not have any factors? I'm so confused…

**Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **Ellie the Elephant! **"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"**

**I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **I know the feeling, sister.

**"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **His what… was that meant to be dirty…

**And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **Charming…

**"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **Gangsta Hagrid! Swagrid! XD

**"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.**

**"Because I LOVE HER!" **Ebony wishes…


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **I actually have no idea what that just said….

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX  
>I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. <strong>How dramatic…

**"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. **How come its just randomly capitalized… **He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **His read whites.. Alrighty then…

**I stopped. "How did u know?" **Know what? 

**"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **Saw what? What DID YOU SEE!

**"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **If you ran up so close to him, WHY ARE YOU YELLING!

**"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **But... he's dead?

**Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **But I thought you explained that because you were a vampire you couldn't get hurt/die from slitting your writs? **Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. **Why is "Hahrid's" name capitalized? **They were going to St. Mango's **Yumm! The hospital for injured fruit! **after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **Hogwarts: Not doing the necassery background-checks on teachers.** Dumbledore had constipated **Someone need to eat more fiber… **the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **

**Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.**

**"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. **How intense… 

**"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, **but the inside of your coffin is pink and you wear pink with your slut-clothes all the time… **and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. **That's how you thank someone for bringing you flowers… **Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **I'm sure.

**"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." "What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **What a bitch…

**"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **Yes, actually it is… **to it he added silently.**

**"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **"Angirly" verb. To do something in a angry/girly way…

**He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY!**

**"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Yes, Enoby, you're so wise! 

**"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"**

**And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **HAHAHAHAH! And it was black, so you said. **Now I knew he wasn't a prep. "OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **Yes Hagrid, do tell us "what the fjuck is Draco" **Hairgrid rolled his eyes. **Oh, I see Enoby, you meant "where", well be more specific please. **I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.**

**"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **Hilarious… **u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **… Hippie-Dumbles…

**"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. **Rude! **dUMBLydore lookd shockd. **I look pretty shcked too! **I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **Oh my God, just give the old man some Advil!

**Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" "**Never insult Albus Dumbledore in front of me again!"

**Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. **Nope, you're right, you aren't a slut at all…**There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **I dint even read the rest of that! My cat is trying to sleep on the keyboard so its really hard to type but she's rolling around and purring, its so funny!

**"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit, **hahahhaah you're hilarious. I'm pissing of laughter…**) you do too." **I hope it's a Chinese/Japanese insult.** I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes.**. For the first time in this whole fanfiction…** Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **HAHAHAHAH! I supposed Hairgrid teaches that? XD **He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **The Hufflepuff probably FINDS that annoying…

**"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **A what way?

**We both looked at each other for some time. **They're gonna screw… **Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **Told you…

**"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **Added to list…** shouted Professor McGoggle**,** who was watching us and so was everyone else. **Free live porn. Gather 'round children of Hogwarts, especially you eleven year olds! The sex-ed teacher can take a break.

**"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **It takes two to tango…

**Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Ummm…

**"NO!" I ran up closer.**

**"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.**

**"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage! **Didn't we already do this at the start of this chapter? I particularly remember talking about red whites… What the fjuck?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **By the spelling and grammar.. Save yourselves!

**HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER IS **…. That's the time to mention this… Which reminds me… Hey Maggie, do you know where my book is? :P


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **That's probably why she stole your sweater… **PREPZ** **STOP FLAMIGNG!**

**Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. **Was she not she screaming at "Vampire" for letting him screw her? **We were so scared.**

**"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **Where did he come?

**"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **What did they do to make him mad last?

**"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.**

**He laughed in an evil voice. **How very Dumbledore-ish

**"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.**

**"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. **Well, well. Wasn't Dumbledore "crying wisely" a few chapters back because Draco "committed suicide" **Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **…

**"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **–sob sob- HAPPY! Someone is bipolar…

**"What?" I asked him.**

**"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **OMG! Its magic! Except you can't apparate in Hogwarts… The first time they actually use magic in Hogwarts.. They can't…

**We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon **A croon voice? **voice say. "Allah Kedavra" **There is no need to bring religion into this… **  
>It was... Voldemort! <strong>CLIFF HANGER #122396707748478!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14.**

**AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **Cheerful start as always… **Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. **You poor thing, I'm so happy that you shared this with us, you must want sympathy… **PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **I think that she just got bored of waiting for her "10 god revoiws" and just posted the next chapter…

**WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **LOLOLOLOLOLOL! This chapter is so scary that she wants us to soil our pants… XD

**We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **…But you ran to where he was.. **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was **That is seriously my favourite line… The fat guy that killed Cedric.. Oh My Immortal**. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him **LOL! Snaketail!**. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.**

**"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **LOL! Stupid preps.. **he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. **Of course… Because everyone loves the Mary-Sue, Ebony.. **"." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok**, ok…**)**

**"Huh?" I asked.  
>"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. <strong>Typical… I really can't think of one guy in this story who doesn't "love" her… **I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **Well, we certainly know what her favourite words are… **I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **That sounds simply lovely…

**"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. **I thought that you stabbed him? **Then he fell down and died **There we go**. I brust into tears sadly. **Why is she sad?

**"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort**, Whoop! Shakespeare Voldy is back! KILL HER! KILL HER! **. Then… he started coming! **BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh Tara, your writing is so.. Unique…**We could hear his high heels clacking to us** Voldemort is now a transvestite, I wonder if his shoes are Chanel?**. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **Oh no, he didn't kill her.. **We went to my room. Vampire went away **Oh no.. I know whats going to happen, and I think you do too..**. There I started crying. **Again? WHY DOES NOTHING PLEASE YOU!

**"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw **Oh, he sounds so concerned…**. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah**, haha, you're so funnah, I nerlie dyed! -.-**) and a really huge you-know-what and everything** "And everything" no way! Was his "you-know-what" really big and everything? I love your discriptions..

**"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **That was so stupid. I want to die… And flush my head in the toilet.. Ugh..

**"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **As if Ebony isn't a slut? She's the sluttiest person I've ever read about… ** answered Draco.**

**"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked**, that doesn't mean they're in love with you, I'm pretty sure no one can stand your personality…**. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me**, I don't think anyone actually even likes you.. **! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful? **Oh no, you're so cursed…**" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty**, no I'm pretty sure she's a snob..**) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.** *smacks head on wall*


End file.
